Nautical Misfits | Meet My Sailors

Nautical Misfits | Meet My Sailors


Pronounced eRbert by anyone from home (Newfoundland). He lives down the bay and has a temper similar to a rogue wave. He smokes like a tilt and yells at the neighbours kids for playing in his driveway. He makes money selling cod-jigging tours to mainlanders who stay at the local resort, he only accepts cash and has never purchased a business license. 

Cookie The Puffin and Jerry The Crow

Everyone calls him Cookie (but no one knows why) he’s been in a decade long feud with his neighbours  regarding property boundaries and he’s addicted to pickled beets

Jerry is an avid conspiracy theorist. He considers himself a sovereign citizen and therefore hasn’t paid his taxes since 1997. His hobbies are forging knives and knitting pillow shams. His friends think he’s one eye twitch away from a total mental breakdown.


Pronounced Sir-AL (think Newfie woman yelling at her husband). He currently is trying a vegan diet to help with his high blood pressure, which has made him extra cranky and extra hard to deal with. He has also started gardening to help with the blood pressure situation but has a terrible fear of hornets which is counter intuitive to the entire situation. 



Disgruntled Larry

Larry used to make money selling dime bags to college students. But since weed has been legalized there’s really been a drop in sales so he quit and opened up a greenhouse. Business is booming and he’s learned he’s got a real green thumb……. he’s still sells illegally caught Capelin out of the back of his truck on the side of the highway though…. 

Recently DFO found out Larry was selling the illegal capelin. They confiscated his truck and now he’s not as happy and chill as he once was….


 Meet Abigail (the cat)

Abigail wears the word “feral” as a badge of honour. She is a world renowned knife fighter who is currently undefeated. She works on the boats to generate some income but she hopes one day that knife fighting will make her rich and she can buy a quiet spot in the woods in BC. 


Karen likes to party. If she sticks with the beer you’re in for a pretty good night but once she breaks out the liquor look out. If she doesn’t end up in the drunk tank she’ll be passed out on your mothers front lawn.  When she’s not partying she also loves playing cribbage, I would probably let her win though because she’s a sore loser and will not hesitate to throw punches if you happen to beat her.



Vernon is the best kind of fellow, he wouldn’t hesitate to give you his shirt of his back. No one actually really knows what he does for a living. He has a nice house, all the machines you could ever want or need but no one has actually ever seen him go to a job per say. He smokes like a tilt, but can still easily outrun anyone in a 10k. 


Murray grew up with a grandfather that played the accordion. He started learning how to play when he was 6 and never looked back. He works on the boats because it’s a quiet place to sing as loud as he wants. He’s also an Olympic level swimmer who can catch a salmon with his bare hands. Sometimes it’s easier for him to jump in the water and catch the fish himself then using a net. 


George enjoys peace and quiet, that’s why he decided to work on the boats. No noise, no chatting, no hustle and bustle. When he’s home he enjoys riding his bicycle on the side of the highway just enough to impede traffic. 


 Bartholomew Is the arsehole of the ship. He loves to take the last cup of coffee out of the pot and never refill it for the next person. 


Peter is currently going through a midlife crisis. He feels very overworked and under paid, his last three vacation requests were denied and his boss is refusing to pay him overtime. He’s considering quitting and pursuing his passion in fishing.

Jack Puff

Jack faked his own death once and was only found through a special episode of unsolved mysteries. He will literally fight you to the death over the last bologna sandwich. He was once partially eaten by a hammerhead shark….. the shark died two days later…..


Marg has a daily yoga routine that keeps her zen and stops her from literally death rolling her coworkers. She enjoys a daily chamomile tea and hangs eucalyptus everywhere in her home. She is not a morning person and has always hated Mondays and cats. 


Micheal is a millennial absolutely riddled with anxiety. He tries to combat it by whittling spoons out of oak trees. He yearns for the old days with no technology. When you could light up a cigarette in Tim Hortons to enjoy with your hot coffee. Seatbelts were just a suggestions, and the seatbelt buckle was the perfect bottle cap opener for a cold case of coors light. Riding around in the pan of an old dodge on a dirt road was a regular Friday night activity. But times have changed,  and now he doesn’t need a real key to start his truck and the kids at school have iPads. It’s a weird time. At least he can still whittle spoons. 


Sir Hootsalot

A dapper owl who probably won’t survive a job on the fishing boats. He likes his coffee hot and has to microwave it several times to keep it at the proper temperature. He has an odd English accent that the fishermen can’t understand and it constantly talking about safety and procedures. He's determined to make it on the boats though, so when he’s finished this shift he’s going to a tattoo parlour to get a sailor Jerry style tattoo on his face. 


Carl loves ”smokin darts and breakin hearts.” On the weekends he can be found at the local Dooleys having a game of pool. He works on the boats but still gets seasick, it might not work out so he’s considering a turnaround shift in Alberta. 


 Edgar Allen Crow

Edgar loves wearing those tshirts with the skeletons on them. The ones that say “Caffeinated but dead inside”. He also uses a Stanley cup but in an ironic way. He hangs out with the hockey moms and fits right in, they love him. He’s currently single and ready to mingle. Looking for a part time wife so he can still work on the boats 6 months of the year.


Derrick loves horror movies and Sunday drives. He also loves listening to the local open line on the radio to here all the complaints from the ridiculous people in his community. 


Harold is Herbs brother. He is as wild as his feathers and will frequently disappear just for everyone to find out he’s on another continent. He can’t stay in one place long and needs excitement like other people need food. He’s working with Herb on the boat just to make enough money to pay for his next adventure. He will decide last minute what that will be. 


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